The Secret of the Alabaster Box

So this is my first time to have a blog, so bear with me, I'm new to this. But I've had a lot going on in my life this past year and I find it best that when I write it out, it helps to put me a little more at ease.

I'll start out by saying that I am no longer with the man of my dreams. We had an amazing love and a unique one. We've known each other since we were 2 and grew up together throughout the years to come. God put us together, took us apart, and then 6 years later put us back in each others lives. We were given the chance to start over together. Things were great until about a year ago. As we were experiencing the life changes of becoming adults, it became clear that we were growing in opposite directions. To get you up to date, we have been on again, off again for the past 6 months, and as of a week ago, we are no longer a part of each others lives. Hence me starting a new journey in my life.

Because of everything that I've experience over the past couple years with the one that I planned to spend the rest of my life with, I am now having to find myself again since he is no longer there. Therefore, I am starting the book "Lady in Waiting" by Jackie Kendall and Debby Jones. It is about becoming God's best while waiting for Mr. Right, and it focuses on the characteristic of a Godly woman based on the Book of Ruth. Seemed pretty fitting for me.

I am not at all over the man that I was with, which makes things that much harder. I think about him everyday. But I'm hoping that through reading this book, it will help me to understand why God has done the things He has, and why He put the two of us through this situation.

Today is day one of me starting this new journey. So, here we go!

The Secret of the Alabaster Box
Knowing that we are all sinners (Roman 3:23) and that God is the only way, why is it so hard for me to give Him my all? I'd have to say that it is hardest for me right now because of what my alabaster box is filled with. My box is filled the the hopes and dreams of having that one and only man that will always be there for me, protect me, guide, support me, and lead me. This being the man that I've been waiting for to come sweep me off my feet, provide me with the marriage I've always dreamed about, be the father of my children, and grow old together. When in reality, my Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, can provide me with all the things my box is filled with: being there for me, protecting me, guiding me, supporting me, and leading me.

So why is it still so hard? Why can't I break my alabaster box at the feet of Jesus like the sinful woman in the passage in Mark (Mark 14:3-9)? Why can't I entrust my alabaster box filled with my body, soul, and dreams to my Lord like Mary does in the passage of Luke (Luke 1:38)? The truth is, I'm afraid. I'm afraid that the things that I want won't ever happen, and that scares me. It scares me because I don't know if the things that I want are the same things that God wants or has planned for me. I know it's wrong because I know that Jesus has His plan for me and that I need to put my faith in Him and trust Him fully. But there is still that certain someone whom I know I want to fill the place of being the one to sweep me off my feet, but I honestly don't know if that will ever happen anymore.

I spend my days praying for myself. That God will give me strength, guidance, wisdom, and patience. I'm a planner, I plan everything, which makes it even harder for me to give everything to God right now. I know what I want and who I want, but I don't know if that is part of God's plan for me or not. I pray for the one that got away. That he as well will be given strength, guidance, wisdom, and patience as he is starting a new journey in his life as well. I sit here knowing that God will provide me with the man He has set out for me. But then I wonder,is it the same man that I want? The one that I've dreamed about, the one that I've grown up with and have experienced so much together in life with already? I don't know. But I know that I have to be able to let go of the past to be able to move forward. I have to know that God will never give me a situation that I can't handle. I have to be able to give myself completely over to God and break my alabaster box at the feet of Jesus!